If you're missing your ex, it's essential to understand that it's a normal feeling and will take time to fade away.

Allow yourself the space to heal, treating yourself with kindness like a friend going through a tough time. Embrace the pain and work through the grieving process. As you take care of yourself, process the breakup, and reflect on what happened, the intensity and duration of missing your ex will gradually decrease.

Over time, things around you won't constantly remind you of them, and you'll spend less time thinking about your ex. You'll wake up one day and realize you no longer love your ex. Eventually, you'll move on completely and stop missing them.

Alternatively, you might discover what you and your ex had is worth fighting for and decide to reconnect for another try.

In this article, we'll delve into why missing your ex is normal, what steps to process the breakup, how to cope and heal, and what to do if you're considering getting back together with your ex.

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

Why Do You Miss Your Ex? 

If you find yourself missing your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend after a breakup, it's a completely normal human response. Humans naturally miss their loved ones when they are not around.

Missing an ex is a common part of the grief process following a breakup. The stronger your love for your ex, the more intense your feelings of missing them will likely be.

You may not want to miss your ex, as it can be painful to think about them. However, your mind and body operate based on their programming, shaped by millions of years of evolution.

Evolution has wired us to miss our exes when we go through a breakup and to long for the presence of someone we care about and love.

Humans are wired to follow daily rituals, resist change, and seek familiarity, comfort, and security. When these aspects are taken away, we experience a sense of loss.

Your ex provided familiarity, comfort, and a sense of security. The relationship assured you that you had someone by your side, creating a feeling of belonging together. The relationship became intertwined with your identity, shaping who you are.

You had your unique jokes, rituals, and shared experiences that only the two of you understood. When the breakup occurred, all of these aspects vanished instantly.

Given these circumstances, it's completely understandable that you miss your ex. The following list outlines why you miss your ex and how your brain processes these feelings.

 

  1. You miss the sense of security and comfort the relationship provided: Knowing your ex cared for you and having someone by your side made you feel secure. Positive memories, like watching Netflix together or waking up next to your loved one, contributed to this feeling. The breakup abruptly took away these sources of comfort, making it natural to miss that sense of security.
  2. You miss the special memories created with your ex: The significant moments, such as your first meeting, first kiss, or other shared experiences, hold sentimental value. However, after the breakup, these memories can be painful reminders of what has been lost. 
  3. You miss the envisioned future you had with your ex: Many people hope for a long-term future with their partner, whether it involves marriage, children, or growing old together. The breakup shatters these dreams and the anticipated life you had imagined sharing with your ex.
  4. Loneliness contributes to missing your ex: If you were in a long-term relationship, you became accustomed to having a romantic and sexual partner. Regular expressions of love and physical intimacy became a routine. After the breakup, the absence of these relationship benefits can lead to feelings of loneliness.
  5. Everything around you reminds you of your ex: Objects, places, or activities associated with your ex trigger memories and emotions. Your brain is wired to resist change and seeks to maintain the relationship's familiarity and security.

This is why various stimuli in your surroundings prompt thoughts of your ex, as your brain encourages you to restore the lost connection.

In summary, missing your ex is a natural response influenced by emotions, shared experiences, and the desire for familiarity. Understanding these factors can help you navigate the challenging process of moving on after a breakup. 

 

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Missing Your Ex And The Desire To Get Them Back

Feeling the urge to get back with an ex is a common instinct when you miss them. Whether it was a mutual decision or a difficult breakup, this desire can emerge at different points.

When you end a toxic relationship, there is a good chance you will miss the good parts of the relationship.

Even if you quickly remind yourself of the reasons for the breakup, the longing to be with them may arise.

For most people, this desire doesn't become a significant obstacle. They understand that the breakup occurred for a reason and can refocus on moving forward.

However, for some, the desire to reconcile is intense, accompanied by anxiety and a fear of losing the ex. This may lead to constant attempts to reach out, but often, it pushes the ex further away.

 

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It's essential to recognize that wanting to get back with an ex is normal, especially if the relationship holds special meaning. If you genuinely believe in the potential for a strong, healthy relationship, there's a good chance of reconciliation. However, instead of acting out of fear, take time to heal and reflect.

Although the desire to get back with your ex will persist, don't let it control you. Acknowledge that if reconciliation occurs, it should be based on solid foundations for a lasting relationship, not just a quick fix for current pain.

Wanting your ex back should be rooted in the potential for an amazing and healthy relationship, not just a reaction to the immediate breakup pain.

It's crucial to avoid seeking reconciliation solely because the breakup is painful. Focus on the prospect of a genuinely positive and long-lasting relationship.

Research has shown that couples in constant on-and-off relationships experience higher stress levels, emphasizing the importance of building a stable and healthy connection if you decide to get back together.

How To Get Your Ex Back And Keep Them

In simpler terms, if you want to get your ex back and create a healthy relationship (#importantreminder), the first step is to stop desperately missing them. Eventually, reconnect and assess if a new and improved relationship is feasible.

Not letting feelings of desperation, neediness, insecurity, or fear dictate your actions in trying to reconcile is crucial. Acting out of fear may only drive your ex further away.

Furthermore, if you get back together out of desperation, you might overlook serious issues that should not be ignored. These issues indicate that the relationship may not be right for you, your ex, or society's overall well-being, which currently needs more healthy relationships.

Failure to heal from the breakup or at least alleviate extreme anxiety about losing your ex means you won't have the right mindset to establish a new, healthy, and fantastic relationship.

Without this mental shift, there's a high chance of facing another breakup, likely for the same reasons as the initial one.

Based on our study involving over 3.5k participants, only 30% of people successfully get back with their ex. Interestingly, half of those who get back together end up breaking up again.

The successful half credits their renewed relationship to time spent apart, limited contact during separation, and personal self-improvement.

Missing Your Ex And The Desire To Heal From The Breakup – How To Stop Missing Your Ex

 

Here's a simplified version of the tips to heal from a breakup and stop missing your ex:

1. Cut Off Contact

  • Stop reaching out to your ex, both directly and indirectly (via social media or mutual friends).
  • The no-contact rule helps you detach, heal, and grow personally.

2. Remove Reminders

  • Get rid of items that remind you of your ex at home.
  • Avoid places you used to visit together.
  • Minimizing reminders helps reduce the likelihood of missing your ex.

3. Prioritize Self-Care:

  • Take care of your physical and mental health.
  • Treat yourself kindly and be patient.
  • Engage in activities that make you feel good and relieve stress.
  • Focus on your personal growth and discovery

4. Seek Social Support:

  • Send time with friends and family.
  • Reconnect with old friends if necessary.
  • Human connection is vital, and isolating yourself can intensify feelings of missing your ex.

5. Process the Breakup:

  • Do not rush the healing process
  • Focus on constructive thinking instead of overwhelming yourself with negative thoughts about the breakup.
  • Ask yourself questions that lead to acceptance and learning.

6. Establish Structure and Routine:

  • Breakups disrupt daily routines, causing you to miss your ex more.
  • Create new rituals and routines to replace the old ones, even if it feels forced initially.

 

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7. Rediscover Yourself:

  • Use the breakup to rediscover your identity and set new life goals.
  • Ask yourself what you always wanted to do or pursue but couldn't during the relationship.

8. Consider Dating Again When Ready:

  • Only start dating when you've healed from the breakup and occasional missing of your ex.
  • Ensure the idea of finding someone new excites you rather than depresses you.
  • Try to learn from any mistakes you may have made with your ex to improve your future relationships, and not get into a toxic relationship instead.
  • Take your time with future relationships.

9. Seek Professional Help:

Talk to a mental health professional or coach, or join a support group.

Professionals provide valuable insights and guidance tailored to breakup situations.

 

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The Bottom Line

 

  • Progress will be like a roller coaster with ups and downs.
  • Expect your ex to make things challenging, as they may act to regain your attention.
  • Set clear boundaries with your ex and prioritize your healing and self-improvement.

As you embark on this journey, anticipate fluctuations in your emotions, challenges from your ex, and the gradual improvement of your overall well-being.

 

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