If your ex is trying to get back together with you, or if you're trying to get back with your ex, sending that first text after not talking for a while can be stressful.

Deciding how to respond to your ex after not talking involves a lot of thinking, emotions, and confusion.

If your ex reached out to you after not talking, you might be wondering why they texted, what you want from them, and how you feel about them.

If you're trying to figure out what to text after not talking, you're probably worried about how you want to appear or how to start a conversation with someone you either lost or pushed away.

Time is also key so if you text your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend at the wrong time, you will most likely turn them off and make them lose attraction.

Why Do Exes Reach Out?

If your ex broke up with you or betrayed you, it might be unexpected when they contact you again.

When they reach out, you might feel anxious, trying to understand hidden messages and figuring out how to talk to an ex-girlfriend after not communicating.

So, the main question is: Why do exes reach out? Some possible reasons could be:

✅They're feeling lonely.
✅They miss you.
✅They regret what they did.
✅They feel guilty about their actions.
✅They want to reconnect romantically.
✅They want to give your relationship another chance.

Psychologist Mert Seker says: 

After the end of relationships, there are times when singleness, which we call “reverse honeymoon,” is very enjoyable for both men and women. Although it is a period that lasts longer for men than for women. In this period, people do not think much about communicating with their ex-lovers. After this period is over, longing for the old relationship and the good memories may begin. This situation also includes a state of nostalgia and desperation. For these reasons, despite the situation, exes may want to talk to each other through friendly communication.

These are the most common reasons why your ex broke no contact, but the only way to be sure of their intentions is to respond to their texts and have a conversation.

This article will discuss 5 examples of how to respond to an ex after no contact and how best to get to the bottom of what they want from you.

Should I Text My Ex After No Contact?

Before you think about what to say to your ex after not talking, it's important to understand why you want to reach out to them. Ask yourself why you feel the need to start a conversation with them.

Here are some questions to reflect on that might help you understand your emotions

✅I'm I texting them out of boredom?
✅Do I crave drama and excitement?
✅Am I jealous that my ex doesn't seem as affected as I am?
✅Do I seek validation from my ex?
✅Am I texting them because I want to rekindle a physical connection?
✅Is it because I can't find another date?

If you find yourself saying 'yes' to any of these questions, it's not a good enough reason to contact your ex. You might be tempted to reconnect because you're feeling vulnerable, hurt, or insecure.

Texting them in this state of weakness could lead to more emotional stress and problems in your relationship.

According to Psychologist Şeker

The above-mentioned situations are often a source of stress for a lot of people. Stress is a negative state with behavioral and emotional consequences and can negatively affect decision-making processes. People under high stress can become more impatient and less empathetic. It can lead to improper communication, so if you’re under stress, you shouldn’t make quick decisions.

6 Examples of How To Respond To An Ex After No Contact

So, one of the best things you can do after the No Contact period is to not waste any more time and just call your ex on the phone to get the ex-back process started. 

If none of the questions mentioned earlier explain why you want to text them, keep reading to learn about 6 different ways to reply to your ex after the no-contact period.

These are just examples, but they can guide you in figuring out what you want to say.

1. A Pre-Mediated Response 

Having a well-thought-out response is a good way to reply to a surprise text from your ex after the no-contact period. Even if it means taking some time before replying, it can save you from a lot of emotional trouble later on.

When planning your response, it's crucial not to act impulsively, send messages under the influence, or come across as too desperate.

Instead of quickly responding to your ex's text, take your time to consider all your options and send a thoughtful reply.

For example, if your ex asks, "Do you want to give our relationship another try?" a spontaneous response might be a quick "yes!" or "no."

However, a planned response could be something like: "I'm not sure at the moment, but maybe we can discuss what went wrong last time. Talking it through might help us decide if giving it another shot is worth it."

If you notice a pattern in your relationship where you break up, your partner texts you after some time of no contact, you get back together, and then repeat this cycle, studies suggest it might be relationship cycling.

This can be challenging to break, and each cycle may become more harmful. In such a situation, a well-thought-out response is even more important to help you break this repetitive pattern.

Psychologist Şeker believes:

This is like a never-ending cycle where you break up due to issues, then get back together to fix things, only to face problems again and repeat. A relationship going in circles like this isn't healthy because it can turn harmful over time.

2. A Neutral Response

A neutral response to an ex after not talking can be like this:

Ex: "Hi, want to get back together?"

Neutral response: "Hi. I hope you're doing well. It's been a while since we talked. Tell me about what you've been doing in the last couple of weeks."

This neutral reply doesn't create any expectations and gives you time to chat, understand how you feel, and then decide. It also lets you gauge their emotions.

As the conversation goes on, observe their tone – are they sounding clingy, desperate, flirty, casual, or friendly? This can help you figure out their intentions in texting you and give you space to think about your own feelings and needs.

3. A Straightforward Response

A direct answer is the best if you're sure about what you want. This is a perfect way to make it clear to your ex about your boundaries and what you're okay with. It could be like this:

Ex: "Hi, want to get back together?"

Straight-Forward Response: "Hello, Peter. I don't think we should be romantically involved again. I would not mind being friends, but nothing more than that."

This response is straight to the point, letting your ex know your feelings and limits without leaving room for persuasion. It's useful when you've already made a decision.

However, even with this response, think about why you want to be friends. Research shows that people usually want to be friends for security, convenience, politeness, or lingering romantic feelings.

If the last reason fits you, reconsider your response.

4. A Confession Response

A sincere response is great when your ex apologized during the time you weren't talking, or you've realized you might still have feelings for them. This type of reply might make you feel a bit exposed, but sharing your true emotions can also be very liberating.

It could go like this:

Ex: "Hi, I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through. I want to give us a second try if you're up for it."

Confession Response: "Hello, Erica. Thank you for owning up to your mistakes. I've been feeling the same way, and I have feelings for you. I think I'm willing to give it a second try."

In this response, you're opening up and expressing your feelings. This kind of honesty makes confession responses a good way to reply, especially if your ex reached out during the time you weren't talking to resolve issues.

5. A Closure Response

Everyone wants closure after a breakup. If you didn't get it when your relationship ended, take advantage of the chance when your ex keeps texting during no contact to finally get the closure you need.

A closing message can be something like this:

Ex: "Hi, I've been thinking about you, and I want to get back together with you."

Closure response: "Hello. I'm sorry, but I don't think I ever want to get back with you. I appreciate that our relationship helped me learn more about myself, but I don't see anything worth saving in our relationship. I'm trying to move on, so I think you should move on. I wish you luck in your future. Goodbye."

Writing a closure response can be either stressful or quite straightforward - there's no middle ground.

However, it's always a good way to end a challenging relationship. No one knows how long it takes for no contact to be effective, but you know you're past that period when you've received closure.

6. Mention a Positive Memory

This message should mention something recent that made you think of a positive memory you both shared when you were together.

It's better if the memory is lighthearted, and if it's funny, it's more likely to make your ex respond positively. However, if your breakup was tough, you might choose a more sentimental memory.

For instance:

"I drove past Joe’s Pub last night and remembered that time we had 1 (or 3) too many margaritas, and you somehow convinced me to sing karaoke. It brought a smile to my face. How've you been? Is Love Shack still your go-to karaoke song?"

Learn also:

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Companionship vs Relationship: What’s The Difference?

Conclusion

Deciding how to reply to your ex after not talking can be a worrisome task. But knowing your feelings and thoughts can guide your response.

Studies suggest that many people like texting because it avoids awkward moments; utilizing this benefit to express your emotions and seek closure is a good way to handle communication with your ex.

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